Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
