Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
