can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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