Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize