Three words: puerto rican gang bang
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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