goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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