go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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