it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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