3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
