drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
