i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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