you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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