Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
