Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
