and you said cock pushups were impossible
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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