You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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