hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize