What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
