i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have demons in me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
