Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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