oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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