Ambien. No doubt about it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Randomize