i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
