this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
