your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That accounts for only three of the penises
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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