She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
