U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize