i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
