i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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