Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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