Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
