He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
