Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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