i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
