We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
