shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
