I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
