It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
