Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
