Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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