Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize