so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
