YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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