i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
