the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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