Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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