I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
