3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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