you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
