Don't you send me to vm
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
