I just made out with a guy for $7.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
