Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
