just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
