'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
