I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize