Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
