8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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