I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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