Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
