'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
