I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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