trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
