i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
