I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
