is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
