Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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