Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
