When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
