Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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