no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
