i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
