Kiss
Puke
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
