It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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