dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
