I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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