Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
