I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
