I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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