This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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