I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
