He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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