Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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