and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize