Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
