I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Say something about gay babies.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
