so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
