This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
