Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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