i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
