I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
