thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Even my vagina gasped.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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