she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
