if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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