I just cut my nipple shaving
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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