you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
