Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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