you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
