The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
