You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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