The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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