Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
