it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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