if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
