Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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