So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
